Talaash-e-gumshuda dovum

Justice Bhagwandas found in Lucknow, India

Residents of Islamabad were awaken from their slumber yesterday with the local mosques blaring an update on the sub-continent wide search for our beloved judge Rana Bhagwandas on their loud speakers. He has been located. Yes, lets rejoice, serve everyone mithai, breakout in a little shimmy.

Times of India has reported locating Pakistan Supreme Court Judge Rana Bhagwandas who is visiting on an annual pilgrimage. I think it was my cajoling the Indian media and Intelligence agencies that finally prompted the successful search. And both groups now vie for space and credit in the TOI news article linked above. I was only doing my duty. Still, I humbly accept the nations gratitude for having played a part in finding the missing person. More than what the government of Pakistan did.

Iftikhar Gilani at the Daily Times is speculating an early return. I certainly hope so. He is the man of the hour. He is the one who can extricate the nation from this abyss of a constitutional crisis that Generalissimo Mushy and cronies pushed us into. But no pressure, Sir. Just do your duty to the satisfaction of your conscience.

The return of the judge to the country, and the processes of the apex court will bring forth further problems, discussions, theories, what not. At least the man on the street is getting a few new lessons on our constitution. We and legal eagles of our government will learn our constitution together. I bet, I can score 11 more marks than Wassi Duffer. And I am still failing.

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A Killer Match

Obituary: Bob Woolmer

Yesterday, millions of Pakistani cricket fans saw Bob Woolmer put his head on the table after Shoaib Malik was caught. You could see the agony of watching the Pakistani team falling apart on his face. While watching the game with my friends I made a comment that he is probably taking a mental inventory of all his possessions in Pakistan that need to be shipped out before he reaches back. This morning (U.S.A Pacific time) when I read the sad news of his demise I could not help but re run that clip in my head.

I was preparing to write something else today but changed my mind. I want to take some time and thank Bob for his service to Pakistani cricket.

“As fanatic fans of cricket we welcomed the news when you were appointed the head coach of Pakistani cricket team. In the next few months we saw improvement in the performance and fighting spirit of the team. The zenith came when a team heavy on young talent drew the test series in India and won the ODI series. We beat India and England at home and won against Sri Lanka and drew against West Indies aboard. Things were looking good for the world cup. Then came the away tours of England and South Africa. We saw the team crumble and started asking for your head to roll. It was a natural response of a volatile fan base and being good Pakistanis that we are, we were fast to reach the conclusion that if everything else is great then the only thing that is stopping us from reaching the top must be the coach. Lets face it , we had the best bunch of individual performers and as everyone says the best team on paper. They were becoming religious and even praying together. By God’s grace they were even starting to look alike. Instead of one Inzi, we were going to get to the field with 11 Inzis. Most of the team even performed Umra and started dropping Allah’s name in every sentence that came out of their mouths. We even left everything on Allah. Our team’s fitness, bowling, batting and even fielding. Well that didn’t go very well.

Today we realize that you did all you could to make champions out of this sorry bunch of wannabes. You could only teach them the skills to overcome their shortcomings. The final application was their job. You could teach them the virtues of teamwork but it was their job to become a cohesive and fighting unit. You could tell them what they meant to the Pakistani citizens but you could not teach them the basics of responsibility. You Sir, did your job admirably. They on the other hand screwed it up for you and the public that had elevated them to the thrones of celebrity.

You gave your life with dignity and honor before being put through the hell that was sure to come in the next few days. Pakistani citizens and cricket fans were sharpening their swords, myself included. Unfortunately it took your death to make us realize that it was never your fault. The rot of the team had started long before you took reign of it. You were just the watchman on duty when that grown tree fell. You could not bear the pain of watching your team humiliated by a bunch of amateur cricketers.

May you enjoy your days playing with Bradman, Grace, Laker, Nawab Pataudi Sr., Abdul H. Kardar and Fazal Mehmood. Enjoy talking about the great game with the great players. You didn’t deserve to be dragged in the cesspool of politics and corruption that is the Pakistani cricket. We hope that your untimely departure from this world will make a few higher ups in PCB shake with embarrassment. Ah! What silly bunch of hopefuls we are.

Bon Voyage my friend. May all your cover drives be effortless and all you straight drives pure.”

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Sheikh Rashid's Prayer

“ Oh Allah, how humble I feel before your grace today. My knees are shaking, my head unable to erect and my eyes unable to shut off tears. Today I bow to your infinite wisdom, for it is only you who gives and takes away all worldly things; fortune, fame and hair.

There were days when I was the minister of information. My nation was fortunate to watch my rugged Kashmiri looks everyday on T.V and newspapers. My manly voice made many a women shake, for I was the liaison between the government and the people of Pakistan. Main mouthpiece they called me, a distinction I wore with honor and pride. I was “the man” of the government. You tested my skills with many in swinging yorkers, the nationwide agitation of MMA, Kalabagh Dam and Taliban to name a few, but I flicked them with no more than a small movement of my tongue straight to the boundary. Every night when I came home (sometimes even my own home) I used to unwind by turning the T.V on and watching myself on the screen. It not only soothed me but my servant tells me that it soothed millions of people in Pakistan as well. I will always be thankful to you for choosing me to become your gift to Pakistan.

I had held many other portfolios before Information ministry. Most important of them probably my assignment as the minister of culture. I had the film industry under me, both literally and figuratively. I am thankful to you for that but Information ministry always felt like my real calling. I was made to do that.

Then that awful day came when I was told that I would no longer be the information minister of Pakistan. I felt as if my life had come crashing down. I was angry, I was hopeless and I felt cheated. How can I be replaced? Have they found another Kashmiri to take my place? Whose voice will keep the men informed and women dreaming after I left? I had questions and concerns regarding the serious mistake the government had made.

I thought complaining to you then thought better of it. How can a mere mortal complain to you Almighty? My Pir told me that I could in fact complain to you. If it is okay for Alama Iqbal to do so then it must be okay for me since Alama and myself are both Kashmiris by your grace. I could not argue with that logic even though I had a lot of practice arguing against logic from my previous job. I came to you, I complained, I cried. I even begged for a good appointment next. I went to my Pir and told him that I had complained to you. In response he said that there must be some divine logic behind the decision. Now I am a very, very intelligent person but I could not see how there could be a silver lining behind this cloud. I was humiliated especially when other cabinet members started mocking me in cabinet meetings by making the sounds of whistling train engine. It was over for me. I knew that you didn’t listen to my begging and praying.

Then came March 9th, 2007. A day that will forever live in infamy. General sacked the Chief Justice. All the mouthpieces of the government were busy explaining the constitutionality of the decision and trying to justify the actions. A little voice inside told me that maybe this is the divine reasoning my Pir Sahib was talking about, but being very, very intelligent I shrugged it off. Now being so very, very intelligent I knew that this thing will be over soon. No one would care and the issue will die during the weekend. Boy o boy was I wrong!

March 13th, 2007 started normally. I woke up, stared at myself in the mirror for an hour like I do everyday. Had my usual breakfast of a dozen puris and went to the office. What happened between 11.45 A.M and 2 P.M made my jaw drop. First time in my life my mouth was open so wide without having food near it. The screams of divine reasoning, divine reasoning, divine reasoning rang in my mind. My knees buckled and I dropped on the floor. All I could recite was I am glad I am not the information minister over and over again. How could I have defended that in the media? I was humbled my lord, by your divine intervention designed to save my dignity or whatever I have left of it. Just as I was about to stand up after three days of thanking you profusely I heard the news of GEO office been raided and vandalized by the police. Oh lord seems like another three days of thanks are due.

I am planning on wearing a torn black jacket to the next cabinet meeting to mock Mr. Durrani who used to make fun of me with the whistle. Now I would love to see what you have in the box for him. As for me, I will never find enough courage to complain to you again. Even if I am granted the ministry of religious affairs.”

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Long Arms of Wasi Zafar

A wise man once said that the character of a nation is defined by its leaders. If that is true then we must be the most vulgar and ignorant people on the face of this planet. Everyone who heard our Minister of Law arguing with a journalist on VOA radio would agree with me. In a few words of broken English, he was able to convey to the whole world the nature of the people who elected him and of the government who made him the guardian of the law of the land.

The whole episode began with the minister’s inability to comprehend a simple phrase “long arms of the law” and with his infinite wisdom, he was somehow able to turn it into a sexual reference. If this is not a good ad campaign for the advancement of education in Pakistan then I don’t know what is. Just imagine billboards on major highways stating “ save your children from becoming ministers, send them to school”.

I am seriously considering starting an NGO whose sole purpose will be to provide English tutoring services to the ministers. At one stage we may extend this service to the Pakistani cricket team.

For now we must shake our heads in disgust but after the blood starts flowing through our brains due to violent shaking, we must think for a while. Is this the best we can do? Is this guy capable of representing Pakistan in international seminars on Law and Justice? What kind of jokes does he leave behind when he meets foreign dignitaries?

Would someone please inform the village in Faisalabad that is missing its idiot of the whereabouts of Wasi Zafar?
I should not have said that. God knows I am in no mood to meet his “Long Arms”.

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Talaash-e-gumshuda

Where in the world is Justice Rana Bhagwandas

This man is missing. The various long arms and big mouths of the government of Pakistan are declaring complete ignorance of the whereabouts of a 64 year old Pakistani citizen. And no ordinary citizen this one. The missing in this case is the honourable judge Justice Rana Bhagwandas, who just happens to be the second most senior judge on the supreme court of Pakistan. Family, friends, and coworkers seem to have no firm idea where their beloved is. The media have picked up on the plight of those concerned about the safety and the whereabouts of the missing person. Sadly this is not the first time someone has completely disappeared off the face of Pakistan, leaving family and friends waiting in the dark, never to be heard from again. And this is not the first time that the government, with its 17 police and secret agencies feigns ignorance of the whereabouts of the missing person. All the kings' donkeys and all the kings' men are unable to locate the missing old man.

Lately, the Supreme Court had become the place to seek help in locating these missing persons. But with its maverick Chief Justice, the champion of Pakistan's' missing people, himself under house arrest, it does not seem available to look into the matter.

Here is what we do know. Justice Bhagwandas, took leave and went on a trip to India. He held meetings at the Supreme Court of India in New Delhi. None of their justices is missing so far. But from there on, the trail of our justice has gone cold. He left for his hotel and presumably onwards to Lucknow. There have been some indications of him calling his wife from a PCO (public call office) in Lucknow. Apparently his cell phone does not answer. Why? Two theories: He forgot his cell phone charger in Pakistan. Or, he gave up his cell phone to street crime in New Delhi. Delhi-Karachi, Karachi-Delhi. Same brown skins, same ghatya crimes. But lets digress.

The matter of the Pakistani Justice of Supreme Court gone missing, in the back drop of the current constitutional crisis, is also a big news story in India. Alas, not big enough. The multitudes of Indian cable news channels, tehelkas, tamashas, dhamakas, et al, have either been unable or unwilling to find the judge.

The government of India, rightly suspicious of visitors from Pakistan, keeps a close watch on them during their travel all the way up to departure from India. The recent tragedy of the fire bombing of the Samjhota express shows the extent of this control on tourists. The passengers were locked into the train and unable to escape the inferno. The locks are apparently meant to keep the tourists from slipping away in the newly shining India. Surely, they must know if the judge is still in India and if yes, where in. The alternate scenario where they might have lost track of a 64 year old man does not shine a complimenting light on their sleuthing skills. And that does not bode well for an India wary of so called ISI-trained terrorists slipping across the border. Lets just hope they are lying to us and their own citizenry.

Pakistan itself requires government employees to give out all kinds of details when they visit abroad. Here is a senior justice of our supreme court, protocol and all. It would be safe to assume that High Commission of Pakistan in India would be aware of this visit and have means to contact His Honour should there be need. But no. Not only do they not know where he is. BBC Urdu service reported the Pakistan High Commission declaring they only came to know about the judges' visit from reports in Indian newspapers. Read the Urdu here. An English transcript of this is at Darveshs' blog. The height of ridiculousness.

There is another theory, that the judge is not so much missing as in hiding. As in self seclusion. Was he approached with the governments' plans, and given the choices of being a party to this coup or staying away from the mess chose the later option. He had to have been, given the way his absence is unfolding. He turns 65, the age for retirement, in December. He might have seen two choices before himself. Earn a blackmark on his judicial record at the twilight ofhis long and distinguished career, for history to judge him, or try to avoid the mess. There did exist a third option. That of standing upto the dictator. And that choice still exists before His Honour.

Issuing this Talaash-e-gumshuda (missing person) alert on the internet seems our only chance at finding our justice. Anyone with knowledge of the whereabouts of the judge is encouraged to contact us, the media, and lastly the government.

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Torn Jacket of the Chief Justice

I feel as if I was stripped naked today in broad daylight on a busy road. I want to crawl into a dark hole, put my head on my knees and mourn the death of my dignity and honor. If you are a Pakistani and you don’t feel the same way today then either you have already lost your dignity long time ago or you are so senseless that small matters of national embarrassment don’t bother you the least bit.

Of course I am talking about the blatant disregard of the constitution by our esteem president regarding the sacking and subsequent dishonoring of the Chief Justice of Pakistan. In any civilized society, the judiciary is extended utmost respect since it is the flag carrier of human rights, equality and justice. Whether it is a matter of punishing a pick pocket or defining the laws of the land in the light of the constitution, judiciary is the last venue for a common man to have a say. Every great nation and ancient civilization elevated its judiciary to the highest levels of honor to guarantee the basic rights of its citizens. Looking at the history of judiciary in Pakistan, one is surprised to see how it has been used as a tool for politicians to achieve their political goals and to advance their agenda.

We can write pages upon pages trying to cover the history of judicial misconduct in Pakistan and how it was misused by the governments and politicians, but that is best left for another day. Today I just want to write about the treatment of his honor Justice Iftikhar by the government of Pakistan. The top judge of the nation is being treated like a criminal, manhandled by the police and forced under house arrest on some charges that have not even been released to the public. No matter what the charges are, the chief of judiciary should be given more respect than that. The prestige and dignity of the post of CJ of Pakistan (that he still constitutionally hold) should not be compromised under any circumstances.

In next few days, we might find out more about the charges and the ruling of SJC on this case. Right now though the whole episode looks like a part of the larger conspiracy that may have a long lasting impact on Pakistan. Until then I will remain in my dark hole and pray that my nation will find an ounce of conscience so things like this are never repeated. I invite all of you to mourn with me, or at least the ones who feel that the torn jacket of the Chief Justice is more than an ungainly disarrangement of threads. It is a tear in the basic cloth of our society and represents how uncivil we are in this civilized world.

I am either a self hating Pakistani or someone who loves Pakistan so much that every spot on the honor of my society feels like a personal attack on me. I am yet to find out the answer.

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